difficultisgood (difficultisgood) wrote,
difficultisgood
difficultisgood

2018 09 14

In other news:
I've started another (more or less) planned  attack on my weight.
Oh, no! Not again! How unexpected!!!
Uhm, yeah, can't be helped. I refuse to give up. :)

The holidays, emotional as they were, have helped me to put quite some things in perspective. It's been an emotional rollercoaster, but it was good and cleansing for the soul, so to speak. In a lot of ways I came back a changed person. I left some things behind and took some things with me.

What I took with me:
- I've said it before. I have an amazing family I don't get to see enough of.
- I have an amazing daughter. She's the light of my life.
- I had forgotten what I'm capable of. Now, I remember.

What I left behind:
- This 'black veil' I had over me. I feel MUCH more cheerful now.
- Emotional 'weight' that kept me feeling tired and useless.
- A certain dream I once had. Now, that may sound dramatic, but it's alright. 'The dream was long gone, I was just hanging on to it. Like something you don't want to throw away, because you got it from someone dear to you, but one day you just realize that it's just occupying space in your house and being totally useless and throwing it away won't alter how dear the person was to you. You just don't need it anymore. So, trashcan it is. :)

So, leaving all emotional stuff behind and back to losing weight:
I've taken the time to think things through and set a goal. I want to lose 97.6 kg before my 53rd birthday on 5 June 2020. That is 90 weeks from now, so it should be attainable. It's realistic. It's a LONG road but I didn't gain all the excess weight in 2 months either and to loose it in a 'normal' way (without crash-diets and such), well, it just takes time.

For now I've called the plan "AS" (stands for 'Allons-y Sylviane") I don't know why, it was suddenly in my head when I was in Spain and I had two bracelets made. One with 'Allons-y" and one with 'Sylviane', maybe wearing them as a reminder of my goal will help me focus on my plan. :)

A while ago, I saw this drawing and it made me see what I wanted most. I have to recognize it: I WANT to lose the excess weight!! This should be me in 92 weeks. (Well, except for the hair... though, if, no, when, I achieve my goal, I might just die my hair in that color.)

Tags: allons-y sylviane, just me being me
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